August is National Grief Awareness Month. Grief, a deep sadness experienced after a significant loss, is a natural human reaction that profoundly impacts mental health. The causes of grief vary, including the death of a loved one, job loss, divorce, loss of one’s home, medical diagnoses, or miscarriage. Acknowledging and processing these feelings is important for moving forward and rediscovering joy in life. Dealing with these feelings can help us grow into more resilient and empathetic people while also improving our mental well-being.
The “5 Stages of Grief” is widely used to describe the grieving process. Psychiatrist Elizabeth Kubler-Ross introduced the concept in her book On Death and Dying, based on interviews with over 200 people with terminal illnesses. The stages include:
- Denial: Struggling to accept the reality of the loss and seeking meaning in what once mattered.
- Anger: Directing frustration at the people or circumstances leading to the loss, including oneself, a higher power, or the universe.
- Bargaining: Attempting to negotiate fate or a higher power to undo the loss, often accompanied by regret for not taking action to prevent the loss.
- Depression: Experiencing intense sadness, emptiness, and emotional detachment.
- Acceptance: Coming to terms with the loss, even if the pain continues.
While these stages are a commonly used framework for understanding grief, recent research suggests that most people don’t experience all these stages exactly in this order. Grief shows up in diverse ways, with some people experiencing all the stages of grief and others experiencing none. Additionally, those going through grief often move forward and backward in the healing process in a way that is more complicated than the word “stages” suggests. Regardless of how grief manifests, it is a normal reaction to loss, and all feelings are valid.
Grief can encompass a range of physical, emotional, and behavioral symptoms:
- Physical symptoms: Exhaustion, changes in appetite and sleep, upset stomach, and weakness in the body and immune system.
- Emotional symptoms: Increase irritability, anger, regret, and potential development of a mental health condition or worsen an existing one.
- Behavioral symptoms: Confusion, memory difficulties, feelings of lost hope, and difficulty focusing.
Coping with grief takes time, and what works for one person might not work for another. Healing is possible and with time your mental health can and will improve. Consider these strategies and tools for coping:
- Self-Care: Healthy eating, exercise, and sleep can reduce fatigue and improve mental clarity.
- Support from Loved Ones: Openly discussing feelings can enhance our mental well-being and encourage others to express their emotions, reducing stigma around these topics.
- Support Groups: Joining groups for those experiencing similar losses can reduce feelings of isolation.
- Professional Help: Counseling and community resources, including free services, can be a great outlet for those struggling to cope.
- Creative or Physical Outlets: Engaging in sports, art, or music provides opportunities to make new friends, focus on passions, and serve as a positive distraction.
- Remembrance: Creating memorials or rituals to celebrate the memory of a loved one can help us feel closer to them.
Moving forward is challenging but possible. Significant loss changes us, yet people rebuild their lives every day. Speakers Bureau member Laura Bemis says, “Grief is not linear. And every time you grieve a loss or death, it is different. There is no time limit or ‘normal’ grieving time frame so be patient with yourself and give yourself empathy. There is no rushing through.”
Processing grief is vital to our mental health and provides us the strength and wisdom to support others through their own grief. While grief can feel isolating, stigmatizing, or shameful, remember that you are not alone. Professional help is available. If you or someone you know is in a crisis, call or text the Crisis Lifeline at 988 for support, available 24/7.
The Stop Stigma Sacramento services page lists mental health resources available throughout the County. Additionally, the local resources below can offer support for those grieving: